In an effort to look bustier in my super tight sports bra, and not like a ten year old boy, I slipped a couple of pads in, taken from another sports bra. Why I didn’t just wear that one is one of life’s great mysteries.
The sports bra was so tight that I placed the pads right between my skin and the fabric, feeling confident that they weren’t going anywhere.
Off I went to teach my Pilates mat class. In the back of my mind, I chuckled because I thought about what would I do if they fell out during my class in front of 85 students. My confidence betrayed me.
I was barely ten minutes into class, when I looked down and saw the brown edge of the right boob pad peaking up from my sports bra, singing like Diane Ross, “I’m coming out. I want the world to know, got to let it show.”
The studio had two walls of mirrors and two walls of glass. I was trapped. I had been in similar situations and each time I’ve come out a stronger, and more dextrous person. I’ve removed countless bras without taking off my shirt (what woman hasn’t) I’ve swapped out feminine products while driving a car. I had this.
It was just another embarrassing and awkward moment, in a long list of embarrassing and awkward moments. I had to be brave. I had to show the kids how to look adversity in the face and give it the finger.
I went into def con MacGyver mode and walked to the back of the studio. I instructed the class in an exercise that would bring them down onto their backs facing away from me. As they were scissoring their legs, I contemplated shoving the pads down instead of removing them. And then I remembered not to be dumb.
I removed the left pad and held it for a nanosecond, while I thought about where to put it. I certainly couldn’t keep holding it. I couldn’t stick in the box that held the Pilates magic circles. I suppose I could’ve thrown them into a corner and retrieved them later but my aim isn’t the greatest and what if it landed on someone’s head?
I only had a nanosecond, as stated above, so I stuck it in the tight waistband of my pants.
I walked back to the front of the room, as I had to remove the right pad. The class had already done a 130 scissors, so it was time to switch sides. While they scissored, I scanned the room and removed the right pad and stuck it into my waistband. Whew, that was close.
Just fifteen minutes left of class and I was home free. It wasn’t to be. My boob pads had now become ass pads. I wondered if anyone saw what was happening. Do her boobs look smaller but her ass larger? Wow, Pilates sure does work quickly.