I have to thank Lululemon for their Wunder Groove Crop pants, with inner stash pocket, flat seamed stitching (to prevent chafing) and extra padding in the crotch area, because sitting at Starbucks’s, I sneezed and peed my pants.
I know I shouldn’t be embarrassed, after all Whoopi Goldberg brought LBL (light bladder leakage) into the mainstream. Stream. Get it. But let’s face it, it’s not cool to lose control of your bodily functions in public.
I was sitting on a wood chair, working on my laptop, because, what else is there to do at Starbuck’s? The coffee tastes burnt and smells burnt, so I’m not there for the Joe. But they do have free WiFi and it’s a great place to people watch.
So, I sneezed and it felt like I fully made my pants, as if I was sitting on the toilet. It did not feel like a trickle or ‘light leakage’. I was convinced that I was sitting in a pool of my own urine. Charming AND sexy.
This was bothersome and frustrating for a couple of reasons. For one thing, I MADE IN MY PANTS IN PUBLIC! The last time I made in my pants I was at a roller rink (old school, four wheels) in 7th grade, skating to Donna Summer’s, “Last Dance”, when my friend Debby said something so funny, that I, well, peed in my my pants. I was able to Kegel just in time to prevent the ‘stream’ from dribbling down my leg. Luckily I had a sweatshirt with me and tied it around my waist.
I didn’t have an extra sweatshirt with me at Starbuck’s. I could have made a beeline to the bathroom, because there were only a few stragglers milling around but there was a man sitting right behind me, who I was sure could see my leakage on the chair and in my pants.
I busied myself for awhile and then had to get to the bathroom. I grabbed my bag and awkwardly held it behind me, in a feeble attempt to cover my ass. My other hand covered my front.
When I got into the bathroom and spot checked, I was out of my head with amazement. There was no sign of leakage outside of my wonderful Wunder Groove Crop pants. Oh, I did pee, don’t get me wrong, but that extra cushioning in the crotch acted much like, oh, I don’t know, a very sassy, and comfortable diaper!
Besides being embarrassed, I was upset because I’m a friggin’ Pilates instructor! My pelvic floor muscles should be in tip top shape. On my last gynecological visit, my doctor said, ‘Wow’ upon examination. I’ll spare you as to how he came to this conclusion.
I can’t rely solely on Lululemon to catch my pee. I’ve got to get back to the Pilates studio and squeeze, for when I sneeze.